Beautiful
by CJtheCregg
Summary: Jondy's reaction when she finds out that Zack died in 'AJBAC', and that Max let out all the transgenics in 'Designate This'. Implied JondyZack shipper.


Title: Beautiful  
  
Author: Jacey925  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Summary:  
  
A/N: This is what you get when not even thinking about planning a fic, while listening to the radio.  
  
Song: Beautiful - Christina Aguilera (God knows I'm not a Christina fan. but I love this song.)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the song.  
  
Dedication: For Lexie, for two reasons: 1) Read the song chica, cause no matter what anyone says, you're beautiful ;) 2) Cause you make me wanna write these fics... actually, it might be more of a force thing, but hey, either way ;) ~J  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
//Don't look at me//  
  
//Ooh, oh, oh, ooh,//  
  
//Everyday is so wonderful, then suddenly, it's hard to breathe  
  
Now and then I get insecure, from all the pain  
  
I'm so ashamed//  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
My life was fine, until Manticore burnt down.. it's funny that way really. All my life, I've been running from it. been hiding, and trying to escape my fast. And praying, to whatever deities and gods I can find, that Manticore will disappear, will just go away and leave me alone.  
  
Zane rang me. I don't really have much to do with Zane anymore... we used to spend a lot of time together, and then Zack and I got together, and Zane kind of, just disappeared from the picture.  
  
It was weird, hearing from Zane. I guess I knew something was wrong as soon as I picked up the phone and heard his voice..  
  
I'd just got home from work, and when the phone rang, I was so damn sure. so hopeful, that it was Zack, ringing to say that everything had gone okay, that Manticore was gone, that Maxie was fine, and that he was coming to get me.  
  
Inside, I guess I knew that it wasn't him. I mean what sort of boyfriend leaves, and doesn't visit, doesn't ring, doesn't even let his girlfriend know that he's okay, for 3 whole months? Cause that's how long it'd been since I'd heard from him.  
  
So, like I said, I knew something was wrong. And when I heard Zane's voice... it was like suddenly, I couldn't breathe. Someone was standing on my chest, and my lungs were caving in.  
  
As if that wasn't bad enough, I found out that while Manticore was gone, Max had managed to let half of Manticore's creations out into the world, and people knew about them.. about us.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
//I am beautiful no matter what they say  
  
Words can't bring me down  
  
I am beautiful in every single way  
  
Yes words can't bring me down  
  
So don't you bring me down today//  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
No matter what reaction they, the public. the normal people have, I know, that I'm not a freak. But god, why can't I really convince myself of this? Why do I walk around, my head hung in shame, hiding who I really am?  
  
I can't stand this much longer.. The looks, the remarks, the hatred that people show when they walk past me. God, all I am is a freak to them.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
//To all your friends you're delirious  
  
So consumed, your all alone  
  
Trying hard to fill the emptiness, the pieces gone,  
  
Left the puzzle undone, is that the way it is?//  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I don't think I have a job anymore.. After the phone call, I just didn't go back. I've spent everyday curled up, in my duvet cover, in the corner of my dirty, disgusting apartment, crying.  
  
You'd think that after all these years. after all the disappointment, the losses, the deaths. that I'd have learnt to deal.  
  
Hah. I doubt I'd have a job now, even if I HAD gone back. I mean, who wants to hire a freak?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
//You are beautiful no matter what they say  
  
Words can't bring you down, No, no  
  
Cause you are beautiful in every single way  
  
Yes words can't bring you down. Oh, no  
  
So don't you bring me down today//  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Zack was... God. There are so many words to describe Zack. Controlling, egotistical, a bastard, a typical male, who wanted everyone to do exactly what he wanted. But, oh god, Zack was.. He was mine damn it. He was caring, and loving, so incredibly gentle, he was mine, and he never once gave up on me.  
  
He was the only person who looked at me, as if I were something special. Something different - in a good way. And I miss that so much.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
//No matter what we do,  
  
No matter what we say,  
  
We're the song inside the tune, full of beautiful mistakes  
  
And everywhere we go, ( And everywhere we go)  
  
the sun will always shine  
  
( The sun will Always, Always, Shine)  
  
And tomorrow we might awake on the other side//  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I wish I could say that it doesn't bother me what people think. what they do, say, how they throw things and kill other.. Freaks, like me. But it does.  
  
The sun won't damn well shine tomorrow, if it keeps on going like this. Hah. I think the sun stopped shining a long time ago for me. It stopped shining when... when I realized what I could have, and didn't have.  
  
The sun's gonna stop shining. cause I won't be here tomorrow. I won't be here in an hour. I can't stand the pain. I can't stand looking at myself anymore. I miss him. I love him. I want him.. I don't wanna be home alone anymore.  
  
I miss him so much. I miss him to the point where I ache all over.. it hurts everywhere. In my hands, my head, my lungs.. I can't breathe. My heart aches, and I can't feel anything anymore.  
  
I guess a whole bottle of Aspirin will do that to you. stop you from feeling. breathing.. living even.  
  
All I can think, is that at least, I'll be with Zack, and no one. nothing will be able to judge me anymore.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
//'Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say  
  
Yes words won't bring us down, no  
  
We are beautiful in every single way  
  
Yes words can't bring us down, oh , no  
  
So don't you bring me down today//  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The End  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~ 


End file.
